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  • Writer's picturePray Jani

I’m a psychopath and I’m comfortable this way

I can’t kill, but I have tried. Turns out life is supported by this vicious liquid that marks its end-game with red. But I enjoy the idea that I could kill somebody. To end them from talking endlessly about how happy they are. I’d love to kill them, I like to believe that I simply choose not to. I don’t talk much, because talking is mostly complaining. I don’t enjoy that. I don’t do much, just enough to get paid, and just enough, that I have time to sit alone.  I have two voices but I prefer the one in my head. I have brilliant soliloquies prepared at any time of the day. I have several talents but mostly, I am a class “A” psychopath. “A” is for being proud about it.

Let me explain what it is like to be a psychopath, and then you can judge if its better to be like me, or you.

The best part about being a psychopath is that you can very vividly picture someone’s death. Yes. Imagine you want your grandma dead, or that noisy neighbour’s dog that just wont shut up rotting in your soil, or that delivery guy picking the wrong house dripping to head end, its easy to imagine almost anything dying anyway you want. I often surprise myself how I can picture these unnatural killing methods. They also tell me how easy it is end a life. There are literally more way to die then there are to live. Pick a side. Would you rather die is a classy way or live cliched life?

You’re never alone. You know you’re a psychopath when you say something but hear something else. It does get problematic when I want to order something at Starbucks. My mind and my mouth have an endless conflict. “Order an American Espresso” the other says “poke his eyeballs with a fork, sounds fun, lol.” I never know what to do, so I stop going. All in all its nice to know there’s always someone who wants to talk to you and manipulate you into doing something.

The greatest advantage of being a psychopath is, you’re always pardoned. I can go kill that son-of-a-bitch next to me tomorrow and not even care to run and hide. I can at most pretend to seem like a human, claim to have mental issues, and be admitted in the most comfortable room of an asylum with weekly meetings with a hottie perhaps and above average food. Best part, I can kill again! Once a psycho, always a psycho.

I may not be able to kill, but I know I am allowed to. There are so many things I can do, being a psychopath. And it’s not that you need a horrible childhood to be one, I had a pretty good one, my mom always bought me whatever I wanted, I never got scolded for getting a C- and our vacations were pretty fucking lit. I know I sound a tad bit optimistic for a psychopath but that’s because it is so much better this way. I basically have licence to kill, anybody, I am never lonely, I barely feel any emotions so heartbreaks are not even a question, what more would you ask?

So yes, I am a psychopath and I’m pretty fucking comfortable this way.

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